A New Momma’s World

Well, I guess there’s always good days and bad with kids…Good days equal me being able to deal with Cam’s cryin/whining and bad days are the days I cry and yell, leaving me sad and upset.

At least thats how it goes for me. And usually the same things make for good days, as does bad days. But if that was the case, today should be a good day. For some reason, it isn’t turning out that way, and I don’t know why. First off, many things have happened that usually make for a good day, when it comes to me dealing with Cam. I have accomplished quite a bit. I woke up early, Unburied my car from the 3 feet of snow it was buried in, so that I would be able to get it out for Cam’s 1 year check-up. I came back inside, had a cup of coffee and got myself awake for the day. Then, cam woke up, I gave him breakfast and got us both dressed and ready for the day. We headed out a bit early for his appointment, where all was well. He got a couple shots, which usually makes me a bit more understanding of any crankyness. I wasn’t too bad for a while. Then we came home and it all started. He went down for his nap when we got home, so I grabbed a granola bar for lunch and made a couple phone calls. Not long after going down, Cam decided he’d had enough of this whole naping thing and woke up. I normally leave him there for a couple minutes when he wakes up early, as a lot of times, he’ll go right back to sleep. Not this time. So, I got him up and fed him his lunch, which took about a half hour, as he tends to zone out during meals and takes about a minute to open his mouth between bites. Then, we played for a bit, but he quickly tired of our chase the car around the room game. So, I took him into the disaster that is the kitchen so he could play while I cleaned the remains of the war it appears went on in there. About 3 plates and 2 cups into the cleaning, he began his whine and cling to momma’s leg routine that completely ruins my chances of movement around the kitchen. I had him help me put away the cups, as he was happy in my arms. After that though, it was apparent to me that he was tired again. So, after some rocking and a bottle, I laid him down for his afternoon nap. My wits near their end at this point, I headed back to the warzone to continue the damage repair. I have most of it done now, which should make me happy, but it doesn’t as Cam is still in his room making noise as I am typing this. Now, on a good day, having all this done would cheer me up, as I would have an answer to the dreaded question of “What did you do today?” when Nick comes home, which always makes me happy, as I know he likes to see a lot accomplished. So I do it for him, because I love him. But with Cam not quite asleep in the other room, joy eludes me. It is days like this that I feel bad for Cam, because I feel that I am not providing him with a “full” momma. That my anxiety around him is hurting and affecting him in bad ways.

I started seeing my WONDERFUL counselor/mentor again, but as luck would have it, my meetings with her always seem to come after a nice string of good days. Nothing really to complain about, but its on days like this that I could use her wondrous wisdom and encouraging words.

Ahh well, everyone has their ups and downs I suppose, and my day should be getting better as Nick should be home in a couple hours, and we have our MOPS Steering meeting, which always cheers me up. I love seeing the ladies, and someone always manages to do something the lift me up. I love you ladies, and none of you could know how much MOPS has helped me through my ups and downs.

On a happier note, Cam’s first birthday was on Friday. I can’t believe its been a year already! Feels like maybe 5 months. He had a blast smashing cake in his face. The blue icing made it appear as though there had been a smurf genocide. We had to change the bathwater twice to get rid of the blue water, but we laughed the whole time. We ate pizza, cake and watched 101 Dalmations, that momma and dada got him for his birthday.

I wouldn’t have changed it one bit.